


The Comment

by clowchan



Series: In the Key of Barisi [17]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M, Pre-Barisi, Questioning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 11:24:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5926729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clowchan/pseuds/clowchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One simple comment makes Carisi question his sexuality</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Comment

**Author's Note:**

> I'm terrible at titles. Like usual haha

"The term you're looking for is _bisexual."_

How could Sonny be bisexual? All his life he's been attracted to women, ever since he could remember. Even getting punished for hiding a few Playboys and other questionable magazines under his bed as a teen and his mother finding them. He would do it all over again honestly. Cindy Crawford was worth it. When he starts working for Manhattan's SVU squad, it all changes when Rafael Barba walks into his life.

At first, it was admiration. How confident Barba was whenever he cross-examined witnesses and perps on the stand. How fearless he was in court giving his closing arguments. How he knew the ins and outs of the laws, even the obscure ones nobody knew about. If he was going to be a lawyer, Barba was the type he wanted to be. Who he _strived_ to be. Someone who helped the people while having a strict ethical code. Then there was the way Barba dominated the conversation, no matter where he was. How he wanted to be dominated by Barba in the- _NO_. Why was he thinking this way towards someone he worked for? Someone he respected?

Then admiration turned into one of Barba becoming his role model. Sonny wanted to become more like him. He paid more attention to what Barba was wearing. He tried incorporating some of his style into his own clothing. Waking up earlier, asking himself if this tie matched with this suit or that vest. His salary couldn't afford what Barba wore; however, he checked various online stores and second-hand shops to see what they had. Barba made him want to look better, to act better, and to become better. Learning about the law would help make Sonny a better cop and detective. He enjoyed his small conversations he had with Barba. Even if Barba threw in a few jabs and sarcastic one-liners at his questions, Sonny loved it.  Sonny viewed it as Barba being humorous towards him. His role model, attempting a joke at him. This made Sonny feel special.

The true highlight of Carisi's budding law career was when he got to shadow under the ADA. To see the man in action, up close and personal. Learning his ways of dealing with the law and with criminals. The icing on the cake was when Barba took his "little boys" observation and ran with it. Sonny couldn't believe he took him seriously.   It was here that he noticed more physical aspects about Barba. How green his eyes were, how nice his bottom was, how his vests complimented the small of his back. Overtime, it became extremely hard sometimes to concentrate when Barba would tutor him. It was then when Carisi realised he had a full blown crush on Barba.

At an SVU get together, Carisi asks, "What's it called when you’re attracted to women all your life and now suddenly attracted to a guy?" He looks down at his beer, blushing, "And don't say gay cos I still think women are sexy too."

Barba answered Carisi's question as he walks past him, smirking, " _The term you're looking for is bisexual."_  

It rang through his head. Carisi was so open about every part of his life, but not his love life and he was confused.  Was he? Could he be? He did have late night thoughts about Barba. Touching himself, thinking about various parts of Barba's anatomy. His neck. His shoulders. His eyes. And his ass, _especially his ass_.  It started to make sense.

"So who's the lucky guy?" Amanda nudges Sonny, breaking his train of thought.

"I-I can't say," he blushes again.

She sips her margarita, "Not even a hint?"

"He's a man."

"Ugh," she rolls her eyes. "Come on."

"For right now, it's a secret," he smiles.

Amanda pouts, "Not fair.”

"Sorry. I can't be open all the time," he laughs before taking a swig of beer.

"So mysterious," she pats his shoulder as she gets up and goes to Fin, who was playing a round of pool with Dodds.

Sonny wishes he could ask Barba out, but he had to keep it professional. He peers over his beer as he watches Barba and Liv sitting in a booth. They were smiling and laughing over something, clinking their wine glasses together. Sonny wishes he was as close as they were. To share the same comradery as they did. Why couldn't he be the one to make Barba laugh and smile like that? Was he jealous? _Over his boss?_ Now he felt disrespectful for having such thoughts. He heads to the bathroom.

He goes to a sink and runs the cold water. He felt hot with embarrassment. He splashes cold water on his face a couple times. "Come on, Sonny. Snap out of it. Like he would be into a guy like you." Of course, the speakers were playing Billy Joel's "Uptown Girl". Was the bar reading his mind? This was too much of a coincidence.

"Who wouldn't be into you?" Barba goes to the sink next to him, fixing his hair, and adjusting his jacket

Sonny's eyes widen. How did he not hear Barba enter into the bathroom? Was he thinking out loud? Clearly. " _It's nothin'_."

Barba fixes his hair, "You're talking about me, aren't you?"

"Counsellour. No, I-" He couldn't even face him.

"I saw you keep looking at me while I was chatting with Liv. It was quite obvious."

Damn Barba and his attention to detail. Sonny's mind was pacing.  "I was looking at everyone in the bar. Doesn't mean I'm attracted to them."

Barba smirks, "So you're attracted to me?"

Sonny cursed his own mouth. Barba had him. He couldn't exactly confess his feelings to him in a bar bathroom. It wasn't the ideal, romantic place he had in mind for this. Even the precinct seemed more romantic than here.

Barba smiles, “Don't think I haven't noticed all the staring prior to tonight.”

Sonny couldn't answer. His heart was racing as he readjusts his shirt.

Barba pulls out his wallet and unfolds a piece of paper. Sonny goes pale. It was a silly doodle he made of them together with the words Mr. Carisi-Barba written underneath it. “Nice notes on New York Practice by the way.” He hands it back to Sonny.

Sonny blushes as he quickly shoves the note in his pocket, “How did you get ... Where'd you find that?”

“Under my desk. Must have fallen out of your binder when you left,” Barba shrugs.

“It's nothing more than a crush,” Sonny's cheeks were now burning. He couldn't believe this was happening. “I promise. I see how you and Liv are together and –“

“We're not together in the way you're thinking,” Barba looks at him. “Are we best friends? Yes but not going out.”

Once more, Sonny was speechless. Now he's made a complete fool of himself. In front of the man he respected and adored, his role model. He wanted to leave, order a few drinks, and forget this ever happened.

“Earth to Carisi,” Barba waved his hand in front of his face. “I didn't know asking you out for a cup of coffee tomorrow would cause you to space out.”

When did Barba ask him out? Sonny didn't hear it. Was he that spaced out from embarrassment? He had to be. “Yes, sure, that would be awesome," he blurts out. “’ _Awesome’, Sonny? Really?”_ he thinks to himself. “I mean great.”

“Good, we'll meet at Starbucks tomorrow at noon ... Mr. Carisi-Barba.” He opens the bathroom door. “Although Mr. Barba-Carisi sounds smoother.” He flounces a little as he leaves.

Sonny stands there stunned before he washes his face with cold water again, dries it off, and leaves.

He's greeted by Amanda. "Why were y'all in the bathroom so long?"

"Case discussions."

"Case discussions or 'case discussions'?" She asked using air quotes.

His cheeks were slightly pink, "I swear to you nothing like that went on in there."

“Mmhmmm, suuuuure,” she nudges him

“Amanda,” he laughs.

“Here,” she hands him another beer. "My treat. Want to play a round of pool against Fin and Dodds? Fin claims he can kick our ass.”

“Oh yeah? Let's prove him wrong,” Sonny smirks

“Hey Fin, challenge accepted,” she walks over to the pool table.

“You're on, Amanda. We’ll beat you,” Fin  gloats.

As Sonny walks over, he looks over at Barba who was once more laughing at something Liv told him.

Barba quickly looks back at him. He winks, mouths the word _Starbucks_ , smirks, and returns his attention back to Liv.

Sonny only nods reaching the pool table. “OK guys, who's ready to see Amanda and I win?”


End file.
